Jen's Secret
by Mala1
Summary: Will Jen find what she wants? *COMPLETED* Please R&R.
1. Jen's Secret - Part One

SUMMARY: A Jen/Dawson fic. Not set in any particular time but Pacey & Joey are together & Dawson is fine with it. DISCLAIMER: The usual.  
  
PART ONE  
  
"Ugh, I look so hippy." Jen Lindley moaned, looking at herself in the department store's mirror.  
  
Joey Potter laughed as she pushed her long dark hair out of her eyes.  
  
"If you're hippy, then I'm Ronald McDonald!" Joey exclaimed.  
  
"You have child bearing hips, Jen." Pacey Witter added with a smirk.  
  
"Gee thanks, Witter!" Jen drawled sarcastically, punching him on the arm. "I feel much better now!"  
  
Pacey mocked hurt and fell to the ground.  
  
"Get up!" Joey said as she dragged him back up.  
  
The three friends laughed as they walked out into the mall to meet Dawson Leery. Jen saw him before the others and called out to him.  
  
"Hey blondie!" she yelled.  
  
Dawson waved and walked over to them.  
  
"Hey!" he greeted, shaking Pacey's hand and giving Joey a kiss on her cheek.  
  
He gave Jen a pat on the back and Jen sighed. As they walked on, Jen followed slightly behind. She didn't understand how she could feel like a third wheel by being with two males and a female. But that's how she always felt when she hung out with Joey, Pacey and Dawson.  
  
Jen wondered what it was about Joey that enabled her to attract all the boys while Jen was constantly left out in the cold. Jen watched as Pacey grabbed Joey's hand, and Dawson kept doting on her. Jen sighed again. Couldn't Dawson see how much in love with him Jen was? Did he just not want her?  
  
Joey suddenly turned around and said to Jen. "Hey, why are you trailing behind us?"  
  
Jen tried to laugh. "I don't have as long legs as you guys do!"  
  
They all laughed until a tall man stopped them in their path.  
  
"Hi." he started, handing a card to Joey. "I'm from the Ford International Modelling Agency."  
  
Joey raised her eyebrows but said nothing.  
  
"We're holding a modelling contest to find the brand new face of Ford." he continued. "I saw you walking down the mall and thought to myself, that is her!"  
  
Joey blushed and Dawson and Pacey had big grins spread across their faces.  
  
"Me?" Joey asked in surprise. "What about Jen?"  
  
The man looked at Jen then back at Joey. "You're what we have in mind. Tall, slim, long dark hair, fair complexion. The vision of perfectness! Your name?"  
  
"Joey." Joey answered.  
  
"Please think about this carefully and give me a call."  
  
The man walked away while Dawson and Pacey gave Joey hugs. Jen looked away trying not to look upset.  
  
"Wow! Joey the next Cindy Crawford!" Pacey grinned.  
  
Dawson kissed Joey on the cheek again. "I knew it wasn't just me who thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world."  
  
Pacey nudged Dawson aside. "Hey that's my girl!"  
  
Dawson laughed. "I know but I own part of her heart."  
  
Joey blushed and Jen frowned. Why did everyone fawn over her? What was it?  
  
"Are we going now?" Jen asked, almost too sharply.  
  
Pacey, Dawson and Joey looked at Jen as if they only just realised she was with them.  
  
"Sure......" Pacey said and they all walked on. ***************** Jen stood sideways in front of her bedroom mirror and lifted her t-shirt up. She frowned then sucked her stomach in. She frowned again and tried to suck her stomach in further.  
  
"How did I get so fat?" Jen asked herself.  
  
Suddenly Grams called her from downstairs for dinner. Jen sighed and walked downstairs. Her stomach grumbled as she sat down. Grams placed a plate of chicken and noodles in front of Jen and then sat down across from Jen with her own plate.  
  
"How was your day, Jennifer?" Grams asked politely.  
  
"Fine." Jen mumbled as she scooped some of the noodles up into her mouth.  
  
"Please don't speak with your mouth open, Jennifer." Grams admonished.  
  
Jen screwed her face up and kept eating while Grams just sighed. Grams tried to engage Jen in conversation but Jen simply answered in mono- syllables until she'd finished her meal.  
  
"Thanks, that was delicious Grams." Jen said as she ran up the stairs to her room.  
  
After closing the door firmly behind her, Jen continued through to her little ensuite bathroom. She turned the shower on full blast then bent down in front of the toilet.  
  
Jen took a couple of deep breaths then stuck her index finger deep into her throat. She gagged and finally brought up the contents of her dinner. After feeling satisfied, she flushed the toilet and turned the shower off. She then went back into her bedroom to look at herself in the mirror.  
  
"Soon I'll be as slim and pretty as Joey and then Dawson will love me." Jen said, proud of herself. ***************** Jen whistled as she placed a small container of salad on her tray then left the queue to find her friends. She spotted Joey, Pacey, Andie & Jack sitting together so she headed over to join them. As she got closer she heard them talking about Joey's modelling career. Jen frowned.  
  
".......and then he told Joey to call him!" Pacey was saying excitedly. "So what do you think she should do?"  
  
Jen put her tray down beside Jack and sat.  
  
"I think she should go for it!" Andie exclaimed.  
  
Jack smiled at Jen when she sat down. "Hey Jen!"  
  
Joey smiled. "I don't know. Modelling isn't really my thing. I think Jen should do it."  
  
Pacey grinned. "But Jen has child bearing hips! He said he wanted someone slim and tall."  
  
Everyone laughed & Jen pretended to smile but inside she felt sick.  
  
"Don't be rude, Pace." Joey said as she kicked him under the table.  
  
Pacey kicked Joey back which started a footsie war between the two of them. Jen rolled her eyes and picked at her salad.  
  
Jack watched Jen for a few seconds then said. "Are you okay Jen?"  
  
Jen forced a smile. "Yeah I'm fine."  
  
Suddenly Jen looked up & spotted Dawson enter the cafeteria. He was talking to Nikki and waving his arms around. Nikki laughed then put her hand on Dawson's arm. Dawson grinned down at her.  
  
'Does he flirt with everyone except me?' Jen thought to herself.  
  
Before Dawson arrived at their table, Jen stood up and left the cafeteria. She headed straight for the ladies and closed the door behind her. Again she placed her finger down her throat and brought up the small amount of salad she'd eaten.  
  
"God, I'm fat." Jen said as she examined herself in the mirror.  
  
She changed into her Gym gear and left the Ladies. She headed down to the track and started running around the oval. *************** "Aren't you having dinner?" Grams asked as Jen ran out the door.  
  
"I'll have something at Dawson's." Jen called over her shoulder as she left the house.  
  
She caught the bus to the local Gym. When Jen got there, she jumped onto the treadmill and started running. She was so focused on what she was doing that she didn't notice as Jack came up to her an hour later.  
  
"Jen, fancy seeing you here!" Jack grinned.  
  
Jen looked up at Jack. "Hi." she panted as she kept running.  
  
"How long have you been on this thing? Your face is bright red."  
  
"Not long." Jen panted. "I'll get off in a minute."  
  
"Don't strain yourself." Jack answered and as he headed over to the weights machine he added, "You know, you're looking really thin lately."  
  
Jen nodded to Jack and kept running. She was desperate to shed as much fat as she could.  
  
Finally she was so exhausted she had to stop. She switched the treadmill off and stepped onto the floor. Immediately she felt woozy and had to grab the machine for support.  
  
"Are you okay, miss?" a gym instructor asked her.  
  
Jen nodded as she gasped for air. "I'm fine."  
  
As the gym instructor walked away, Jen felt a wave of dizziness come over her and she sat down with her head between her legs. Jack immediately ran over to her.  
  
"Jen, Jen, are you okay?"  
  
Jen nodded as she lifted her head up. Her face was deathly pale and she had dark circles under her eyes.  
  
Jack still had the worried look on his face. "Jen you look terrible. Have a drink of water."  
  
Jen frowned at Jack as she stood up. She already knew she looked terrible. Did he need to rub it in. She abruptly pulled her arm from him.  
  
"I'm fine, Jack." she insisted.  
  
She walked over to the drink fountain and drank in large gulps. When she stopped, the water sat uncomfortably in her empty stomach. She fled the gym with Jack watching her, concerned.  
  
As soon as she made it to the ladies Jen bent down in front of the toilet. She didn't even need to stick her finger down her throat anymore to bring everything up.  
  
Jen looked down at herself. She felt revolting.  
  
"Why can't I lose weight?" she moaned to herself.  
  
She staggered to her feet and left the ladies. She jogged all the way home. *************** Jen woke up early the next morning. She wanted to go for a quick jog down to the docks before starting school. She attempted to lift herself off her bed but her legs and arms felt like they had lead weights on the end of them.  
  
Jen dragged herself out of bed and dressed in an pair of grey sweats. She tiredly climbed down the stairs to the front door.  
  
"Jennifer." she heard Grams call from the kitchen. "You'll come and eat breakfast before you leave this house."  
  
Jen groaned as she turned around and headed to the kitchen. Just the smell of the hot pancakes and syrup was making her feel sick. She forced herself to eat 2 pancakes then just made it to the toilet before she threw it all up.  
  
As she left the house, Dawson called to her from where he was watering his garden. Jen raised her arm in a half-hearted wave as she started jogging towards the docks.  
  
It was becoming increasingly harder for her to keep her arms up. A buzzing noise started in her head and Jen shook it to make the noise go away.  
  
She reached the docks and looked around her. It was completely empty. Jen leaned against one of the poles. She was completely exhausted and didn't think she could move a muscle.  
  
She noticed her shoe laces untied so she began to bend down to tie them up. Dizziness suddenly overcame Jen and she tried to get her bearings by standing up again. She blindly reached for the pole before falling unconscious. Her body missed the deck and fell straight into the water.  
  
She lay floating face down in the creek. 


	2. Jen's Secret - Part Two

SUMMARY: A Jen/Dawson fic. Not set in any particular time but Pacey & Joey are together & Dawson is fine with it. DISCLAIMER: The usual.  
  
PART TWO  
  
The wind blew waves across the creek later that morning as a prone body lay face down in the water. The body had drifted far from the docks by that time.  
  
A lone sailor was riding the waves. It was Pacey Witter, who'd decided to skip school that day. He shaded his eyes as he saw something floating in the water.  
  
"It looks like a body." he said to himself then shook his head. "Nah, it can't be."  
  
As he sailed closer, he realised it was a body.  
  
"Geez." he said as he sailed over to it.  
  
He picked up one of his life jackets and threw it into the water.  
  
"Hello?" he called out. "Damn, I hope they're alive."  
  
He put the life jacket on and jumped into the water. He swam strongly to the body and turned it over.  
  
"Jen!" he suddenly cried out with disbelief.  
  
He quickly swam with Jen back to his boat and pulled her on board. He then picked up his cell phone and called for an ambulance. Then he sailed quickly back to shore.  
  
The ambulance was waiting when he arrived. They checked Jen's pulse and her breathing.  
  
"She isn't breathing." one paramedic said.  
  
"I can't feel her pulse." the other replied.  
  
Pacey panicked. "Is she dead?"  
  
The paramedic shook his head. "Almost."  
  
They loaded Jen into the ambulance.  
  
One of the paramedics said. "Are you coming with us?"  
  
Pacey shook his head numbly. "No, I have to go tell her grandmother."  
  
The ambulance took off with sirens blaring as Pacey ran to Jen's house. He banged on the door and after a few minutes Grams answered.  
  
"Why, young Pacey. What can I do for you? Shouldn't you be in school?" she admonished.  
  
"Grams, Jen has just been taken to hospital. I found her face down in the creek." Pacey said in a panicked voice.  
  
Grams put her hand over her mouth. "Oh my Lord, how is she?"  
  
Pacey had tears in his eyes. "I don't know. She wasn't breathing and they couldn't feel her pulse."  
  
Grams almost collapsed and Pacey caught her in time.  
  
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" he asked.  
  
Grams nodded and quickly put on her jacket and picked up her bag.  
  
Pacey raced them to the hospital. ******************* Pacey paced outside the intensive care unit as Grams sat down. Neither said a word as they waited for a doctor to give them some news on Jen's condition.  
  
Pacey was trying to peek through the small window in the ICU door when his cell phone rang.  
  
"Pacey speaking." he answered.  
  
"Pace, where are ya man?" a cheerful voice asked him.  
  
"Oh Dawson." Pacey said. "Am I glad to hear from you."  
  
"Why aren't you at school?"  
  
"Dawson, I have some serious news. Jen is in the hospital and she's not doing well. I think you should get down here."  
  
"I'm on my way." Dawson said as he hung up.  
  
Pacey put his cell phone back in his pocket and continued pacing.  
  
Half an hour later the doctor still hadn't come to see them and Dawson arrived with the others. They immediately headed to Pacey and Grams.  
  
"How is she?" Dawson asked, agitated. "What happened?"  
  
Joey gave Pacey a big hug while Jack and Andie sat beside Grams.  
  
"Are you okay, Grams?" Jack asked.  
  
Grams' face was pale as she patted Jack's leg. "I'm fine Jack."  
  
Jack knew better and held her hand in his. Pacey explained how he found Jen in the creek. Everyone sat in morbid silence as the doctor walked over to them.  
  
"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. I'm Doctor Burns" the doctor said. "Jennifer is in an extremely unstable condition. We pumped the water from her lungs and put her on a respirator. She hasn't yet started breathing for herself. Her heart beat is dangerously low but there is still brain activity."  
  
Grams hand automatically went to her heart. Jack tightened the grip on her hand while Andie wrapped her arm around Grams. Joey and Pacey were holding eachother while Dawson stood alone.  
  
"I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask." the doctor went on. "Has Jennifer been skipping meals lately?"  
  
They all looked at eachother.  
  
Grams shook her head. "She's been skipping breakfast but has eaten every dinner I've put in front of her."  
  
"She has been eating a lot of salads recently." Joey said.  
  
"And she's been exercising an awful lot." Jack added. "In fact yesterday she was at the gym and stayed on the treadmill for over an hour. She almost fainted."  
  
Dawson went pale. "I saw her this morning dressed in sweats and jogging towards the docks."  
  
The doctor nodded his head. "I have a feeling Jennifer is bulimic."  
  
Grams' eyes started to fill with tears. "She has been losing weight. This morning I noticed how sunk in her cheeks were. Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I stop her?"  
  
Jack started crying. "I noticed it too Grams. I should've stopped her at the gym but I watched her use the treadmill for an hour!"  
  
The doctor held his hand up. "It's no ones fault. It's hard to tell when someone has an eating disorder. They are very good at hiding it which is how they get away with it for so long. The good thing that has come out of this creek mishap is that we now know she has bulimia and when she becomes conscious we can treat it."  
  
"How long will she be unconscious?" Dawson asked, teary eyed.  
  
The doctor shook his head. "It's hard to say. As I said, she isn't breathing on her own but she does have a heart beat. We will continue monitoring her and will let you know of any changes to her condition."  
  
Andie was crying. "Will she die doctor?"  
  
"Please have positive thoughts. Help her get through it." the doctor answered.  
  
"Can I see her?" Grams asked.  
  
"Not just yet. I'll let you know when you can. I'll keep in touch."  
  
The doctor gave them all a sympathetic smile and walked away.  
  
"I knew something was wrong." Jack exclaimed angrily, slamming his fist into the wall. "She was exercising all the time. Her attitude changed dramatically in the last week."  
  
Dawson looked downcast. "She hasn't spoken to me for days. I actually thought she was angry at me."  
  
Jack shook his head. "Dawson, man, she's in love with you. She told me a few months ago."  
  
Everyone looked shocked, especially Dawson.  
  
"Are you sure?" Dawson asked Jack.  
  
Jack nodded and Dawson felt sad. He'd been so wrapped up in maintaining his relationship with Joey that he hadn't even noticed Jen.  
  
"I do care about her." Dawson said brokenly.  
  
"Jennifer has wonderful friends." Grams said with the hint of a smile. "He will take care of her."  
  
They all knew who she meant and hoped Grams was right. *************** Jen's head swam. She couldn't believe the things she was hearing.  
  
"I love you Jen." the voice said quietly. "I only just realised it. And now you may be gone."  
  
There was the sound of crying.  
  
"Please don't die. Jen we all need you. We all care about you so much. I care about you so much."  
  
Jen tried to lift her arm but couldn't. All she could see was darkness. She tried to speak but couldn't open her mouth.  
  
The voice stopped for a moment then said more excitedly.  
  
"Jen! Jen! Can you hear me? I can see your arms move!"  
  
Then there was the sound of beeping. Jen could feel a whoosh of wind. She could hear voices and was starting to feel something pressed against her chest. Her vision cleared slightly and she could see strange men and women hovering over her.  
  
"Where am I?" she asked groggily.  
  
"She's back!" the man in the white shirt said happily.  
  
"Oh Jen!" that voice said again.  
  
Jen turned her head slightly. It was Dawson.  
  
"Dawson!" she croaked.  
  
The doctor asked Dawson to leave so they could monitor Jen's progress and as he walked out he mouthed the words, "I love you."  
  
Jen began to smile. She hadn't been dreaming after all. ********************** Two weeks later, Jen stepped off the elevator with her small suitcase in her hand. Her stay in hospital had made her much stronger and she was starting to keep her food down.  
  
She walked through the double glass doors and out into the bright sunshine. She shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked out over the lawn.  
  
Suddenly she saw him. Leaning against a tree with his hands in his pockets. Jen called his name and he looked up with a grin spreading across his face.  
  
Jen dropped her bag on the ground and ran toward him. Dawson moved quickly toward Jen. As they got closer Dawson held his arms out and caught her. He lifted her and spun her around until she got dizzy. Dawson placed Jen carefully on the ground and brought her into his arms. Jen hugged him so tightly she thought her arms would fall off.  
  
Dawson looked down at her with a tender smile on his face. He slowly brought her face up to his and planted a kiss on her lips.  
  
Suddenly Jen heard cheering. She turned her head and laughed.  
  
Standing behind her and Dawson were all their friends holding a big sign up in the air.  
  
It read:  
  
"We love you Jen!" ************ THE END 


End file.
